Copyright – Douglas M. MacIlroy
Shooting Up
Listened to the rain tap, tap, tapping on my windowpane…
Old, young, dead or living, the heavens piss on us just the same.
My trembling fingers, tap, tap, tapping on the syringe…
The trouble with people is that they care. ‘til they don’t.
The rain stopped. Somewhere, a rainbow shimmered into being. Couldn’t care less.
Then they came…After all… tap, tap, tapping on my door…
Just like that, the world was jarringly bright.
Too late.
Could hear my own teardrops tap, tap, tapping on my bedroom floor…
My soft sigh shattered into silence…
No blue skies up here. Only darkness.
© 2013 K.Z. Morano
Very well done, kz.
Hi KZ,
Beautifully written piece, unified by the tap, tap, tapping. The danger and intrigue of drug culture drew me in immediately, right from the title. Not sure where she is at the end, jail, purgatory, but it doesn’t much matter. It’s the logical place she was destined for. Great writing. Ron
A story those addicted can relate to, those not addicted should read to not become additced.
But then there are all kinds of addictions…as humans though we worry about the ones that seem to do the most harm to self or another.
Makes one want to stay out of the shadows… especially if they’ve found a way out once or twice.
Not saying I have worn those particular shoes…just wanting to stay in the light.
It just builds up…even if the clouds are soft and the world is happening out there. With every tap, tap, tapping closer to the inevitable. Powerful, KZ!
hi Ese 🙂 thank you for the comment.
Excellent work here. Perhaps worth extending into a longer piece.
Wow, the tap tap tapping on the syringe = best line.
You broke my heart with that one. Well-written, and powerful. Thanks for posting this.
~Christopher
Like Edgar Allen Poe for today. Vivid writing, KZ!!! All that you need to understand the story is in there. Bravo!
🙂 thank you
Dear KZ,
Great rhythm from beginning to a tragic end. Well thought out
shalom,
Rochelle
excellent, tragically rhythmic
Beautifully written…
very heavy – and the tap tap tap was really effective, like a clock ticking time, or a series of bullets being shot. Real despair there.
hi Pirate! noticed you weren’t writing any FF stories lately… busy huh? 🙂 me too, back in school and everything.
Powerful and sad. The tap, tap, tapping repetition was very effective. Especially the last one – tap tap tapping on my bedroom floor reminded me of ‘knock, knock, knocking on heaven’s door’. Apt. Well done.
That’s amazing, kz, bloody fantastic writing and the sort of piece I could read over and over again. Truly brilliant.
well I my be sued for plagiarism 😛 But El just stole my thought ! El has put what I felt on reading this piece.. perfect
ahh lot of typos in my comments and sentence construction ! but i hope u do understand what I meant !
What jumped out at me was this million dollar sentence of yours!
“The trouble with people is that they care. ‘til they don’t.”
So what is the cause for this shift?
Shakti
Intriguing story, and an engaging use of the photo prompt. Superbly done!
the tapping takes on its own character in this piece / tapping out a warning perhaps
I also like the contrast of the dark against the rainbow – chilly piece KZ
Chilling. Vivid. I loved this piece – easily one of my favorites in this week’s collection so far.
Only darkness, a terrifying fate.
I thought the addict had been abducted by aliens but whoever took her, this was very creepy. Good job, KZ.
The tap tap tapping was used well.
Oh my goodness what strong flash writing kz! So sad – loved the mirrored images and repetition. Could re-read and re-read this one – great take on the prompt!
This is one of my favorites, and one of your best so far. Outstanding piece!
Such a dark but beautifully written story. Your cadence was perfect for the piece, and the inclusion of “The trouble with people is that they care. ‘til they don’t.” couched almost directly in the middle gave this piece an honesty felt hard in the gut. In short, I suppose I’m saying that I really liked this!
A lot of tapping there, huh?
I really enjoyed the repetition of the tap, tap, tapping from one item/action to another. This story has a neat, dark, Edgar Allen Poe-style feel to it. This is really good!
Fantastically written KZ. I’m always so intrigued by drug stories. And this one was killer. You never disappoint me!
This reminded me of Poe, and that’s a compliment. Well done kz. The tap tap tapping would scare the crap outta me.
Knocking on heaven’s door, any way it can be done. Terrible. Well written ending.
Such emotion here. Only darkness. So sad.
Great writing, kz. Really smooth. I like how the tap, tap tied it all together!