Flight

copyright-Rich Voza

copyright-Rich Voza


He walks solemnly along the aisle, unseen by the rows of people seated around him, each busy with their own thoughts and activities.

On his right, a man’s on his way home to a family he hasn’t seen in years…

On his left, a monk, deep in prayer…

He stops infront of a young mother cradling a baby in her arms. The father’s to see his child for the first time…

A couple is on their honeymoon, their excitement palpable…

There are tourists…

Businessmen…

Children…

Different lives, same fate…

He sighs.

In a few minutes, he would collect their souls.



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73 thoughts on “Flight

  1. A powerful take on the theme…read also your previous one and must admit this goes emotionally deeper for me. The words written and the ones left unwritten but there…when we never know…and never can…

    • yup i figured with my other story, perhaps Filipino readers can relate more… but this one, i think everyone’ll understand better 🙂 thanks 🙂

  2. kz, what an interesting way to look at the upcoming crash (or whatever form the harvesting takes.) I found the last line effective but I think it would be more so if it were in the same tense as the rest of the story because it hit my ear as off for that reason. Instead of “he’s”, “he’d” would be correct, so either “he’d collect their souls” or, if you want the same word count, “he would collect their souls” which sounds a tiny bit more dramatic then the contraction, at least to me. Just an idea.

    janet

  3. so the thing to be decided is whether or not the speaker is a suicide bomber or something supernatural working in an evil way. hmmm. i want the second option. but i don’t get to decide. well done.

      • i want evil guy. at least that way, maybe the plane will still fly and land without explosions that also kill people on the ground. but then again, i don’t want there to be that kind of evil among us. dangit! too hard to choose!

    • when i was writing this, it’s the second option. like an angel of death.. and he knows each and every one of the passengers, their story, what’s waiting for them after the flight, etc. and the sigh, i hoped, would kinda imply that he’s kinda sick with his job, like he’s doing it all the time ^^

    • ha, this comment reminded me of a great black and white movie that i like..Death Takes a Holiday 🙂 aka older version of Meet Joe Black ^^ thanks for droppin by

  4. Ha. I was wondering about the POV you were using. I was wondering how this individual knew about so many passengers. What about the few who got a funny feeling and decided not to board? Will he collect them as well?

    • they weren’t meant to be there i guess… maybe he even had a hand on the fact that they weren’t there… or perhaps he’ll visit them some other time ^^ thanks ^^

  5. I’m bopping along with the old guy (that’s how I pictured him, a lonely old guy), watching all these happy people, feeling sorry for him in his lonliness, then boom…he’s evil old guy, like the grim reaper with hood and sythe. Way to turn my head around!

  6. A few suggestions. FIrst, maybe change “rows of people” in the first sentence to simply “people,” to keep it consistent with the next clause, “each busy…” Rows can’t be busy, especially not with individual “thoughts and activities. We know people sit in rows on an airplane. I think you’re trying to emphasize individuality here, so I’d omit the rows.

    Second, and this is just personal preference, but you have a lot of ellipses. I had to read through a second time, ignoring all the dots, to really get the feel of the story. It would read just as well, if not better, with periods.

    Having said all that (and feeling like a meanie for having done so!), I love the tone of your story and his sigh at the end. He sounds like he might be a friend of my Angelique. Lovely story!

    • oh no dear i don’t mind suggestions at all ^^ in fact, that could’ve saved me a few more words.. thanks for droppin by and reading my stuff ^^

  7. Dear KZ,

    Be careful poaching in Angelique’s territory. Have to say, though, that you wrote it well and it packed a good punch. My impression at the end was the Angel of Death. Hope he’s not a frequent flier.

    Aloha,

    Doug

  8. Excellent story, kz. The tenses seemed to be a bit muddled (hope you don’t mind me saying so), but I loved the feel of this piece – the reaper walking up the aisle of the plane unnoticed. Brilliant.

    • it’s fine. i don’t mind corrections in grammar – fully aware that English isn’t my primary language.^^ thanks for droppin by and commenting

  9. You walked us right through the plane there, so carefully, person by person..until the finish with flourish…he seem, the angel of death, to take a certain nonchalant pleasure in his craft..I enjoyed Tom’s comment..about what lurks in your mind very much! And have to say that both you,and your death angel both played us very deliberately, almost innocently. I think you could kill with words when you want!

  10. Excellent story, KZ. Although I might not have used ‘unseen’ in the first line as it set my spooky alert going. Save the big reveal for the end? It’s not right or wrong, just a question of styles really.

    • very good point there ^^ though, i was kinda hoping readers will think he’s “unseen” cos the passengers were too busy with their own stuff ^^ thank you for droppin by and sharing your thoughts

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