Jan16

Friday Fictioneers: 100-words Story Challenge XI

Posted on January 16, 2013 by kz

“Every Friday authors from around the world gather here to share their 100 words based on the photo prompt and offer constructive crit and encouragement to each other. This creates a wonderful opportunity for free reading of very fresh fiction! Readers are encouraged to comment as well.”

My head was pounding so hard, I almost fainted.

I stared at the man in the photograph. Even before I read the message at the back, I knew who he was.

I have his eyes.

It’s been two years since Mama passed and even then, packing away her belongings brought a lump in my throat…

“Rachel, dinner’s ready. Your favorite..……. What’s up, sweetie?”

For the first time since Mama’s death, his smile reached his eyes.

“I’ll be right down.… Papa.” Saying the last word out loud made me feel better.

I left the photograph where it belonged… In the past.

About these ads

77 Responses »

yerpirate on January 17, 2013 at 1:44 am said:

Very sensitive touch there. Very real too, with the details. Well done. A very nice, humane little story.

Reply ↓
- kz on January 17, 2013 at 8:17 am said:
  
  thank you ^^
  
  Reply ↓
Tom Poet on January 17, 2013 at 3:16 am said:

Kz,
Well done…Rachel sounds a bit like Rochelle? The last line got me!
Tom

Reply ↓
- kz on January 17, 2013 at 8:15 am said:
  
  oh haha i didn’t notice! lol i just thought it’s a pretty name. thanks, tom ^^
  
  Reply ↓
ledrakenoir on January 17, 2013 at 3:22 am said:

Well done, very well written…

Reply ↓
- kz on January 17, 2013 at 8:14 am said:
  
  thank you drake ^^
  
  Reply ↓
tedstrutz on January 17, 2013 at 5:57 am said:

KZ, you little devil… You had me with the first line. I understand this story perfectly, and you finished me off with the last line.

Reply ↓
- kz on January 17, 2013 at 8:13 am said:
  
  thanks, ted. glad you liked it ^^
  
  Reply ↓
gailkav on January 17, 2013 at 7:41 am said:

Very good story, emotional, engaging and a nice twist.

Reply ↓
- kz on January 17, 2013 at 8:07 am said:
  
  thank you
  
  Reply ↓
rochellewisoff on January 17, 2013 at 8:23 am said:

Dear kz,
You’ve written a tender story that ends with just the right note. The young lady made the right decision. While the man in the photo may be her father, the man downstairs is her dad…papa/ Well done.
Shalom,
Rochelle

Reply ↓
- kz on January 17, 2013 at 8:44 am said:
  
  thanks so much
  
  Reply ↓
- sustainabilitea on January 18, 2013 at 7:07 am said:
  
  Rochelle, you stole my thoughts on this. Very good job, kz.
  
  janet
  
  Reply ↓
  - kz on January 18, 2013 at 9:51 am said:
    
    thank you
rommel on January 17, 2013 at 11:03 am said:

Beautiful, kz.

Reply ↓
- kz on January 17, 2013 at 11:05 am said:
  
  thank you
  
  Reply ↓
carolynpageabc on January 17, 2013 at 11:41 am said:

Well done… You have a great imagination, kz….

Reply ↓
- kz on January 17, 2013 at 11:45 am said:
  
  thank you carolyn
  
  Reply ↓
The Bumble Files on January 17, 2013 at 12:01 pm said:

Oh, I like this kz…especially. I have his eyes. I could feel the emotion in this, too. Well done!

Reply ↓
- kz on January 17, 2013 at 12:08 pm said:
  
  thanks so much ^^
  
  Reply ↓
David Stewart on January 17, 2013 at 1:22 pm said:

That’s a great ending. I like the little touches too that show the relationship between the father and daughter.

Reply ↓
- kz on January 17, 2013 at 5:58 pm said:
  
  yes they’re kinda close ^^ thanks
  
  Reply ↓
muZer on January 17, 2013 at 3:08 pm said:

Such a moving story, Kz.. And I’m glad she left the photo in the past. The right thing to do.. You are so fast in creating stories for all these prompts!

Reply ↓
- kz on January 17, 2013 at 5:56 pm said:
  
  thanks
  
  Reply ↓
Perry Block (@PerryBlock) on January 17, 2013 at 3:22 pm said:

Very nice story. Discovering where we came from but also appreciating where and who we are. A lot of story in a few words …

Reply ↓
- kz on January 17, 2013 at 5:55 pm said:
  
  thank you
  
  Reply ↓
Abraham on January 17, 2013 at 5:24 pm said:

I’m afraid I’m a little lost: Why is the man smiling?

Reply ↓
- kz on January 17, 2013 at 5:54 pm said:
  
  happy, i suppose…they’re having dinner, normal family stuff, blah blah…. ^^
  
  Reply ↓
  - Abraham on January 17, 2013 at 5:58 pm said:
    
    Oh. I just found it odd that he was smiling, genuinely for the first time, just after asking “What’s wrong, sweetie?”
  - kz on January 17, 2013 at 6:02 pm said:
    
    hmmnn yeah i get what you mean. i struggled with adding that one but i thought it’d make better sense if i just point out that he’s finally showing a hint of genuine happiness after two years so then and there she decided not to break his heart — a small detail that influenced her major decision ^^ i just kinda hoped that the readers would imagine that the girl’s face have recovered somewhat before the father arrived and saw her –hence, making the “what’s wrong sweetie?” a not too serious question. like he just noticed her discomfort or something, but nothing more. i do hope i made sense. lol
  - kz on January 17, 2013 at 6:06 pm said:
    
    ah! found a fantastic solution… i’ll just change it to “what’s up sweetie?” i guess… yeah that’d be better^^
  - Abraham on January 17, 2013 at 6:45 pm said:
    
    That is indeed a fantastic solution.
    I know how I normally dread having to change something coz it might require drastic changes and result it 119 words…
dmmacilroy on January 17, 2013 at 7:08 pm said:

Dear KZ,

Your story is multifaceted and well written. I love watching your stories grow in complexity and nuance and your writing wings unfold in the sun of Friday Fictioneers. Well done.

Aloha,

Doug

Reply ↓
- kz on January 18, 2013 at 9:55 am said:
  
  thank you for those wonderful words, Doug
  
  Reply ↓
Sandra on January 17, 2013 at 10:16 pm said:

Great take on the prompt. Loved it.

Reply ↓
- kz on January 18, 2013 at 9:51 am said:
  
  thank you
  
  Reply ↓
Anne Orchard on January 18, 2013 at 2:33 am said:

A fabulous touching story kz, played on the heart. Sad times for my Dad at the moment, so I’m feeling it extra much today.

Reply ↓
- kz on January 18, 2013 at 9:54 am said:
  
  thank you. i do hope everything ends up well..
  
  Reply ↓
lingeringvisions on January 18, 2013 at 4:49 am said:

Nice. Very nice.

Reply ↓
- kz on January 18, 2013 at 9:52 am said:
  
  thanks
  
  Reply ↓
Hayley on January 18, 2013 at 7:15 am said:

Wow, loved this! Great emotional intensity.

Reply ↓
- kz on January 18, 2013 at 9:53 am said:
  
  thank you
  
  Reply ↓
elappleby on January 18, 2013 at 7:49 am said:

I really liked this one – very moving.

Reply ↓
- kz on January 18, 2013 at 9:46 am said:
  
  thank you
  
  Reply ↓
wmqcolby on January 18, 2013 at 8:43 am said:

Oh, very nice, KZ. Had a whole story in there and a good ending. Sweet!

Reply ↓
- kz on January 18, 2013 at 9:45 am said:
  
  thank you
  
  Reply ↓
kindredspirit23 on January 18, 2013 at 10:03 am said:

Sweet! Made me smile. I enjoyed it.
Mine: http://kindredspirit23.wordpress.com/2013/01/17/friday-fictioneers-uncle-waldo-genre-humorous/
Scott

Reply ↓
- kz on January 19, 2013 at 6:41 pm said:
  
  thank you
  
  Reply ↓
Debra Kristi on January 18, 2013 at 10:50 am said:

This really moved me, Kz. I understand this so well. Beautiful and touching. Well done. Thank you for sharing.

Reply ↓
writeondude on January 18, 2013 at 9:17 pm said:

Lots of emotion in there. Well done.

Reply ↓
- kz on January 19, 2013 at 6:23 pm said:
  
  thank you
  
  Reply ↓
claudia on January 18, 2013 at 10:02 pm said:

Very nicely done….nice ending of goodness over the not so pleasant past.

Reply ↓
- kz on January 19, 2013 at 7:04 pm said:
  
  thank you
  
  Reply ↓
train-whistle on January 18, 2013 at 11:10 pm said:

this was so powerful for me. messages come to us when needed. thank you.

Reply ↓
- kz on January 19, 2013 at 6:25 pm said:
  
  thanks so much
  
  Reply ↓
bridgesareforburning on January 18, 2013 at 11:49 pm said:

Hi KZ,
Nicely woven tale of family history. Ingenious the way you tie the present and the past together. Ron

Reply ↓
- kz on January 19, 2013 at 6:36 pm said:
  
  thank you, Ron
  
  Reply ↓
JackieP on January 19, 2013 at 3:17 am said:

Really good one. I could see it happening.

Reply ↓
- kz on January 19, 2013 at 6:23 pm said:
  
  thank you
  
  Reply ↓
Björn Rudberg (brudberg) on January 19, 2013 at 4:04 am said:

Wow, very emotional here. The photo with a family resemblance I used a little myself. Wonderful.

Reply ↓
- kz on January 21, 2013 at 1:16 pm said:
  
  thank you ^^
  
  Reply ↓
YJ on January 19, 2013 at 10:50 am said:

Healing. I really enjoyed.

Reply ↓
- kz on January 19, 2013 at 7:03 pm said:
  
  thank you
  
  Reply ↓
myothervoices on January 19, 2013 at 11:24 am said:

Like the way the final line elevated the story to something deeper

Reply ↓
- kz on January 19, 2013 at 6:22 pm said:
  
  thank you
  
  Reply ↓
Sarah Ann on January 19, 2013 at 6:14 pm said:

So beautiful and believable. Hope she buries that photo so Papa never finds it.

Reply ↓
- kz on January 19, 2013 at 6:22 pm said:
  
  thank you yes i hope she does
  
  Reply ↓
newpillowbook on January 19, 2013 at 11:51 pm said:

Oh my. Yes, better to let whatever happened between mama and “photo man” stay buried, and appreciate Papa for himself. Nicely written – you never spell out what the narrator realized, but by the end of the story it’s perfectly clear.

Reply ↓
- kz on January 20, 2013 at 10:48 am said:
  
  thank you ^^
  
  Reply ↓
Parul on January 20, 2013 at 12:08 am said:

Kz, this is such an amazing story with such depth and layers. So much in 100 words.
Very good!
You are very talented!

Reply ↓
- kz on January 20, 2013 at 10:47 am said:
  
  thank you so much ^^
  
  Reply ↓
rich on January 20, 2013 at 1:43 pm said:

“i have his eyes.” that was great.

Reply ↓
- kz on January 20, 2013 at 10:48 pm said:
  
  thank you ^^
  
  Reply ↓
Sunshine on January 20, 2013 at 1:45 pm said:

i love the energy flow of your story…first, she is in physical pain but finally finds peace to let the past go…love it. <3

Reply ↓
- kz on January 20, 2013 at 10:56 pm said:
  
  thanks
  
  Reply ↓
vbholmes on January 22, 2013 at 8:22 am said:

Good story with feel-good ending. Nice.

Reply ↓
- kz on January 22, 2013 at 11:19 pm said:
  
  thank you
  
  Reply ↓